fakebook

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

I have recently registered on your popular social mind-screwing site 'Facebook'. Every morning when I check my page, before even peeing, I find some strange messages. I also replied on them but of no use. May be you can give my message to those guys, see a few instances below:

"Your friend has just found a shitty crow in

his Farmville backyard and wants to share its poop"

I replied : Noooooooo. Please No. Keep it to yourself. Desiccate it and make some nuggets. If you keep playing this game, you will soon need those for munching.

"Your friend has just discovered that he was a pig in pastlife"

I replied : Yes Dude, I was the one who made a Ham burger out of you. But I am disappointed you couldn't make better in this life.

"Your friend has found 3 magic balls on an Island. He needs 2 more balls to complete his collection. Can you help him?"

I replied : HOLYYYY COW !!! I am not gonna give my 2 balls. NEVER EVER.And next time I am gonna get this request from you, I m gonna fry yours.

"Your friend just played a quiz and found that her boyfriend is not faithful"

I replied : Do you need to play some crap quiz to find it? With a dumb girl like you, has he got any choice?

Mr. Zuckerberg how can you forget to put a DISLIKE button on Facebook? Why do I have to like a girl's photograph when I want to say you look so irritating? Why can't I delete someone's crap status showing some annoying friendship quote? Why can't I slap someone who posted a pathetic Shayari (poem) of some frustrated lover on my wall?

Adding to my annoyance someone still clicked LIKE. I badly need those dislike buttons. Damn badly.

I know, I havn't met half of the peoples in my friends list in past 10 years. A large chunk of people are still in my friend list just because they have some pretty girls in their profile to pry on and feed me with enough aphrodisiac.

Mr. Zuckerberg, I am aware, scientific reasearch has proven that human mind can't accomodate more than 150 friends at a time.But everybody says, it's in vogue to have more than 500 friends in one's list, even if I dont give a damn on 78.69% of them. Mr. Zuckerberg, I would like to propose some more categories in facebook, so that my muddled up mind can distinguish them and let me focus on Lindsay Lohan's news updates.

1) Acquaintance: for guys with whom I had a few drinks only once and never gave a damn after that.

2) SNAFU: for those whom I never met but their faces look like my pet hog.And yeah, they have some pretty girls in their friends list.

3) Damn it: I dont know why I added them (may be after 3 beers). Now I just cant find anyway to get rid of them.

4) You're dead: I just added them to track them to the end of the world. I am gonna crush their balls once I meet them.

Mr. Zuckerberg, can you please tell my friends that I am not interested in their past life or which Baywatch character they resemble? Can you please ask them to not to ask for a few turd nuggets from me, to complete Farmville stages? Can you please tell them that even if they found that they got "Nymphomaniac" in their personality test, nobody is interested? Can you please add a FUBAR button for me, when I need to say that my friend's new pic, without makeup, made me puke?

I would appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.Please advise as necessary.

Your's Faithfully.

Anonymous

P.S. - While I was writing this letter to you I got another message:

"Your friend has just beat you in crazzie cabbie."

I replied: WTF !!! I never played this silly game. Next time you beat me in any game, I am gonna kill all your hogs in Farmville, set it to fire and make your grave. You'll get enough time to search for your afterlife character.

Goddamn it !

"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him".

-- Nietzsche

Nietzsche, when he said 'God is dead' never meant it literally, but if there is God, he would have ruined himself by now. What if he really is alive?

If there is God, he must be in quandary about his creation. He must

be searching for his creators and the creators of his creators. His

name, his sobriquet. Alas, he could not find his creators, not

because it will denude him of his 'God-ness', but because his

existence owes to Men's imagination. Whenever Man felt a twinge of

fear or exultation, a birth or death, a new formation of cloud in

the sky or a fiery tempest, he created a God. He created God for

everything which he can or can not conceive. He created God for

everything he loved and he feared. His faith, fear and feebleness

made god, almighty.

If there is God, he must be rueful for the creation of Darwin, who

abnegated his creators favorite creations, Adam and Eve, giving Apes

their place. He (read as God) must be repentant for the creation of

physicists, who claimed that universe's inception took place from

Nothing, absolute nothing. And that there was nothing, not even

time before it, nor God.

If there is God, he must be a narcissist. He never created another

immortal creature. He created mortals, belittled not in size but

morals. He never assayed to create a perfect creature as himself.

If there is God, he must be disappointed with his best creation,

the Mankind. He (Man), battling within himself and against his

brothers, because what he perceived of his father's (read as God)

teaching is dissimilar to his brother's perception. He struggles

for his land calling it patriotism, fights for his religion to

salvage his own god from others. Pity.

Since ages man is symbolising god for his own sake and in his own

way, snubbing his existence within himself.

Mark Twain once said, “… as unhappy as God.”.

Paul Fry

With so much brouhaha going about Paul, the OctoAstrologer, I am putting my two cents in through some altruistic usages of his wisdom. Alas, Germans are recklessly searching for Paul, to convert his astronomical skills to their gastronomical pleasure, but we must try to procure Paul for his services to our nation.

For what?

Here it goes:

- Paul's predictions can be used to predict the GDP of Indian state, without waking up the imcumbents at Planning Commision of India for making further 5 year plans. Mr. Manmohan may actually scare the pants off of US of A, by just putting Paul's favorite calamary in 11% GDP's box.

- Paul can easily make the next IPL a single day affair. Just let him keep eating the squids for winner at each stage and Lalit Modi is not needed anymore. Though that may require a continous dose of laxatives for Paul or else he may die of constipation. And yes, some security personnels, else he may end up on Lalit Modi's platter.

- Meteorology department may just borrow Paul for a day and bingo, they won't need to apply their elbow grease and delicate equipments (though I doubt they know how to operate) for weather forecast. In fact, they may be used to predict whether rain will spoil the India-Sri Lanka one dayers, which happens more often than the daily soap's female protagonist's affairs (which indeed is second most frequent thing after atomic vibrations).

- Paul, the saviour, can help to resuscitate Indian economy by saving the cost of elections. Though, this may only be a one time affair since incumbent party may offer an MP seat to Paul and buy his opinion. But yes, this will surely make the hoi polloi of the Paul's constituency to suffer less.

Paul however can not predict:

- When will Abhisehk Bachchan give his next Hit (Is there any already)?

- When will Nilekani's UID project complete (has it started)?

- When will Baa of "Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi" die?

- Will CWG be organised successfully (I doubt!!!) ?

Will Larissa Riquelme really run nude if Paraguay wins. I hope his animal instincts prevail over his astronomy for once.

P.S. : Please be patient with my grammar, though any correction is welcome.